danny rosenberg
sr. copywriter

Soggy Waffles

Welcome to Soggy Waffles. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the write-up. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online.

 And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

1 = The Frozen Waffle. The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. That bite was so traumatizing that you it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

 2 = The Soggy Waffle. You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

3 = The Microwaved Waffle. This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

 4 = The Crispy Waffle. Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This is the type of movie that cracks into your End-of-Year best list, but doesn’t quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

5 = The Toasty Waffle. This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious. You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Welcome to Soggy Waffles Reviews. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the review. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online. And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-08.png

1. The Frozen Waffle

The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. The whole experience is so traumatizing that it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-07.png

2. The Soggy Waffle

You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-03.png

3. The Microwaved Waffle

This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-02.png

4. The Crispy Waffle

Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This rating is reserved for the movise that crack into your End-of-Year best lists but don't quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

Soggy_Waffles_Draft-01.png

5. The Perfectly Toasted Waffle

This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious (but obviously you still do). You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Coco

Coco-Pixar-image-2.jpg
Rating: Perfectly Toasted.

Rating: Perfectly Toasted.

Everyone, take note:

Pixar has done it again.

This ain’t no Cars 3.

Does Pixar have a tagline? They don’t, I just checked. Well, here’s my official recommendation for one: “If you didn’t cry, it’s not us. Pixar.”

Time and again, Pixar has proven that they are as good as animation gets. In a clip before my showing of the movie, director Lee Unkrich and two animators thanked the audience for coming and showed us what goes into the making of one scene – Miguel (Anthony Gonzalez) first entering the underworld – and it is breathtaking. I don’t remember the exact number, but Unkrich said there’s thousands of buildings in that scene and millions of lights. That sight alone is truly something to see.

But beyond the technical beauty of the film (that demands to be seen on the big screen – see it while you still can!), “Coco” is top-tier Pixar because of its powerful story about family and following your dreams. It resonated with me emotionally much more than I anticipated, as I’m at the crossroads in my own life where I’m torn between moving far away from home after college and staying home near friends and family. It didn’t help that I saw the movie with my mom and grandparents, and the movie places a heavy emphasis on family through the generations.

While I haven’t seen “The Book of Life,” I found the story of “Coco” to be inventive and thoroughly enjoyable, and it taught me a lot about the traditions of The Day of the Dead. Some of the movie’s twists were on the predictable side, but that never detracted from the fun of the film. I almost missed my chance to see “Coco” in theaters, but I’m so glad I didn’t. There used to be a time when I wouldn’t dare skip a Pixar movie in theaters, and though the “Cars” series has done a lot to change that for me, “Coco” is not one to neglect.

In Theaters, Perfectly ToastedGuest User