Logo and illustrations by Adrienne Luther.

Welcome to Soggy Waffles Reviews. Here’s how these bite-size, digestible movie reviews work. Every movie gets a haiku. That’s one movie, 17 syllables. Every movie gets a short write-up. I’m talking so short that you should be able to completely syrupize a plate of waffles in the time it takes to read the review. If not, then I’m not doing my job. This is my take on the movies I see, not a chewed up and spit out version of anything you’ll find online. And finally, every movie gets a Soggy Waffles rating. The scale is as follows:

1. The Frozen Waffle

The type of waffle that you can still taste the freezer burn when you bite into it. The whole experience is so traumatizing that it might be awhile before you can safely bite into another.

2. The Soggy Waffle

You don’t need a pick-axe or other climbing gear to attack this waffle, but the pneumonic device you learned in elementary school to memorize the cardinal directions still applies: Never Eat Soggy Waffles.

3. The Microwaved Waffle

This is the type of waffle that won’t stick with you for the rest of your life, but damn you enjoyed it nonetheless. Not every movie can be a Superbad.

4. The Crispy Waffle

Oh yeah, it’s not the best waffle you’ve ever had, but it’s pretty close. This rating is reserved for the movise that crack into your End-of-Year best lists but don't quite make it onto your Best of All Time.

5. The Perfectly Toasted Waffle

This is that from-scratch, special recipe, best-you’ve-ever had waffle. The kind in which the waffle is so good that the act of adding chocolate chips, butter or even syrup would be sacrilegious (but obviously you still do). You can never eat it for the first time twice, so savor it when you’ve got it.

Molly's Game

If Sorkin’s writing,

The subject doesn’t matter.

I’m all in for it.

I guess it’s time I finally watch “The West Wing.” “Molly’s Game” wasn’t my favorite movie of the year, but it was one of the most enjoyable to watch. Jessica Chastain killing it had a lot to do with this, but most of the credit goes to first-time director and my screenwriting idol, Aaron Sorkin. As with anything Sorkin writes, the dialogue is fast and clever, and “Molly’s Game” moves with a hurdling pace until it gets tripped up (but not by a pine branch!) in the third act. Because it’s overlong, it loses some momentum towards the end of the movie, but that’s a minor annoyance when the rest of the movie is so strong. I didn’t know much about the movie or Molly Bloom’s story before seeing the movie, so I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it. And no one told me about Michael Cera’s supporting role, either, so I was overjoyed to see his babyface onscreen.

In Theaters, CrispyGuest UserDecember 31, 2017